


Track 2- Human

by ForeverLovingLexa



Series: Polis Radio [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Arkadia, Clexa, F/F, Polis, Trikru, mountain men, skikru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 06:39:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11030700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverLovingLexa/pseuds/ForeverLovingLexa
Summary: Track 2 of Polis RadioHuman by Christina PerriClarke is preparing for battle again and sitting in front of a mirror putting on her armor. She runs through past events in her head. It has always came down to her. Because she took care of the kids on the dropship everyone expects her to save the human race.. but at what cost?





	Track 2- Human

I walked over to the desk and grabbed the last few pieces of my armor and walked back over to the mirror. I looked at myself and felt immediate guilt. It seems like I can’t do anything right. All I wanted was to help people and keep us alive, I have given up everything to reach this goal, even the woman I love, but it seems that it hasn’t been enough.

Lexa, she’s gone. This is her armor and these are her people. I am trying to save everything that she built. I see her from time to time with the help of the flame but lately I have been staying awake for days to be everyone’s number one. But lately it has been getting hard to fake smiles and tell everyone that it going to be ok. They are all looking at me to save them yet again.

Why is it always me? I am only 18 years old, whatever happened living a life. I told Lexa that, that life was about more than just surviving, but even if I do survive they have taken away any life that I would truly want to live and experience.

I have fought the grounders and the mountain men. I helped the rest of skikru that it was ok to come down to earth. And even after all of that, I have been blamed. I was told that it was my fault that everyone in mount weather died even though they were killing my people and I did what had to be done to protect the skikru. So instead of staying at Arkadia, I left. I needed to be by myself so I couldn’t hurt anyone and so they could live their lives in peace.

But I guess I could even do that right. I was given a name, that even now I continue to use; Wanheda, commander of death. I keep this name for two reasons. The first is because Lexa will forever be my heda, there is no replacing her, I’m not even going to dare to try. Second, to remind myself of what I am capable of. To remind myself of all the innocent people who are dead because of me. The 3 men who worked the patrols at the ice nation are dead because of me. All the people and children in mount weather, Anya, Wells, Charlotte, Finn, Lincoln, Lexa…. They are all dead because of me. I have to carry that with me until my own fight is over. _I can do it, I’ll get through it._

_I can be a good machine_ , I keep telling myself, _I can carry the weight of worlds_ _because that’s what they need._ I can do this, I have to. They need me.. But why me? They didn’t even apricate when I risked my own life in the city of light and shut everything down. To rid the world of Allie. They tried to kill Lexa all over again and they questioned me all the time about the way I do things and then never followed through. It doesn’t matter if I’m hurt or broken or if I just lost my one true love, they always want my help and then don’t even listen.

I put on my wrist guards and stare in the mirror. I still have red in my hair and I refuse to take out my braids. I can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror. I close my eyes and voices fill my head of everyone I have loved and fought to protect, _this is your fault. You failed us. Were all dead because of you._ “I’m only human” _I can’t believe we trusted you. You’re useless. You killed them._ “IM ONLY HUMAN” _Failure. Killer. Murder. She’s dead because of you. This is all on you!_ “IM JUST A LITTLE HUMAN!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I put my head in my hands and a tear escaped. I can take so much until I had enough. I looked up and saw the black of war paint running down my face and the red in my hair the same color of the peoples blood of who I killed. “killer.”

I took my hand and smashed it into the mirror. My black blood ran from my hand and I snapped. I started destroying everything, anything I could get my hands on. _IM ONLY HUMAN, I bleed when I fall down. IM ONLY HUMAN, I crash, I break down. Your words are always in my head and you put a knife through my heart. You build me up and then don’t care that I fall apart! IM ONLY HUMAN. DOES NO ONE REASLIZE THIS?! IM ONLY HUMAN!_

I fall to the ground in the middle of the destroyed room. Its dark. My rage took out most of the candle light only one remained on a small table that was still standing next to me. I broke down crying and touched the tattoo on my forearm. It was Lexa’s tattoo from her initiation day and her name. underneath it said ‘Mebi oso na hit choda op nodatam’. May we meet again. I sat there in the dimness of the one little candle crying. I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. I blow the candle out and say in the darkness:

“Ai laik jos kru.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you you like to enter a song for Polis Radio, please visit my tumblr and read the rules to enter in the link below.
> 
> https://foreverlovinglexa.tumblr.com/post/161172080739/polis-radio-rules


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